Living happily with your spouse is a choice

Chetan is a civil services officer working with the Indian Government. He is a very happy, smart, witty, loving and a gentle soul. He is married and has two children. Chetan\’s wife is also a civil services officer working with the Indian Government. They are both extremely dedicated to their jobs. That hasn\’t stopped him from retaining his childlike humour, his charismatic smile and character, something that is rare to see. When Chetan visited Bangalore, I went to see him. His expression after seeing the trees in Bangalore was something that will stay in my mind. His eyes widened and smile broadened. He said; the trees here are so alive and healthy. They look so happy. Chetan\’s family is a happy family. They care for one another. Living happily for them is a choice they have made.

Living happily is not the same as…

Couples today find it difficult to find happiness in their relationship. They in turn derive pleasure from watching movies, dining out and splurging on online shopping and in malls. Living happily and enjoying pleasures are two entirely different ends of the spectrum. Enjoying pleasures has got to do everything with me..me…me..me…me while living happily is about making a difference to other people\’s lives. Driving the point home, learn how you can live happily with your spouse.

Women are like little children. They want to be free and yet, when they turn around to see, they want to make sure that you are watching over them.

– Mahesh Krishnamurthy

Show her you\’re there for her

What Chetan did is an example for most men to imbibe into their marriage. Chetan not only was an excellent husband and father, what mattered was, what he did to demonstrate that he cared.

On Sundays Chetan made some simple dishes for breakfast while his wife would wake up the kids and get them ready for the day. One day, As his wife was in the kitchen, preparing dinner, Chetan quietly walked in and started doing the dishes. You doesn\’t have to announce that you care. When you know certain chores have to be done, go do it, whether it is doing dishes or spreading the clothes to dry on the clothesline. How on earth are you going to let your wife know that you are there for her? This is how she feels your love for her. What did you do last that demonstrated that you care?

Get to know each other

I remember a couple came to consult me. The wife had introduced her husband as a charming, jovial and witty personality. They had been married for a good 10 years, it seemed. I accept every character at face value. Only when I do a Nadi Pariksha do I get to know the correct picture.

So, I investigated and evaluated his physical, mental and emotional health with the help of Ayurvedic pulse diagnosis. I shared with him that he was a deeply hurt and lonely person. This came as a shock to his wife. He gently nodded his head in acceptance with a sad smile. He held his sorrows deep within himself. His wife had not seen through those eyes. One needs to be sensitive to see beyond the smile, listen through the sentences spoken and sense through the air. That\’s when you participate in a relationship. Care is about being sensitive to your partner intuitively.

Don\’t blame one another

Do you remember your kiddy days? Do you remember how you played? When adults were not around, we sorted out issues by ourselves. We didn\’t blame one another. We lived in the solution and not in the problem. Present day kids are different though!

When you have a challenge, don\’t blame each other. Live in the solution. Blaming each other and pulling each other\’s families into your fight is not difficult. Your relationship with your wife will be scarred for life. The challenge is to live in the solution. Believe me, the rewards you get from taking on such challenges together is worth a lifetime. When you work together towards the solution, bonds strengthen, love expands, confidence between each other enhances and you laugh together more.

Listen intentionally

This part is especially for men. When your wife is speaking, put your phone down and listen to her intentionally. Eye contact with your wife when she is speaking with you is necessary for communication to happen. What she says is not important. The subject she\’s discussing with you might be boring. She also knows that. But what she wants is eye contact and communication. Women get frustrated when their man does not make eye contact when she is speaking with him.

By watching the phone when she\’s speaking with you, you just demonstrated who\’s important and who\’s not. There are no two ways to it. Next time your wife speaks with you, put the phone down and listen to her intentionally. It goes a long way in building a relationship.

Love naturally

When you love, it shows. Loving your spouse is not the same as hanging around with her all the time. That\’s possessiveness. Possessiveness is toxic. Ask any woman, she\’ll want to run away to freedom from her possessive partner. Love is freedom. When you love your spouse, you are there for her when she needs you. You support her unconditionally. At the same time, you also let her know when she\’s not right.

Women are like little children. They want freedom and yet, when they turn around, they want to make sure that you are watching over them.

In conclusion

Living happily is all about feeling you way around in life. You have to be sensitive, cautious and sensible while communicating with your spouse. Keep your heart open and feel the energy around you when your spouse is around. You\’ll then know how to communicate with your spouse so that both live happily with each other.

Marriage is a jigsaw puzzle that you need to solve every time. And the puzzles keep changing. Make sure you enjoy your life as you solve the puzzle.

— Mahesh Krishnamurthy