Engagement that never happened

Shekar (name changed) had come for a consultation two years ago. He had pain in his abdomen that was not diagnosed clinically. After performing his Nadi Pariksha, I suggested what he had to do. He practiced what I had suggested and his pain vanished. Now, two years later, he brought his wife for a consultation because she had been having migraine headaches quite often. Shekar had married his wife after several years of courtship. They had then got an engagement happen and eventually marriage.

When I diagnosed and investigated her problem, I found that the migraines were because of Shekar\’s anger tantrums and her inability to cope with it.

What is an engagement all about?

An engagement is an event where the courting couples or two people who decide to get married, decide to formalise a period before marriage when they will begin the journey of understanding themselves through this new relationship. Prior to this, they ought to have lived in engagement with their family members. Since, they did not do that, they don\’t know how to begin engaging with their new partner.

When people are in courtship and decide to get married, their reasons for getting married are extremely childish. I hear these people all the time. In my 29 years of working with people, I have hardly met a handful who have continued an engagement with their partner just the way they were before their marriage.

Why you are not told about the importance of engagement!

When you are in love, you need to engage with your partner in love. What happens is entirely different. Most people who fall in love (very few rise in love), and they sink in love and altogether and forget all about engagement with their partner. The result is evident. After marriage, they have one question in their minds… Why did I marry this person!

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Most courting couples want to marry because they feel uplifted when he or she is around. There is no future in such thinking. Attitudes of people will change. You too will change as you gain more experience in life. What is more important is that you need to regularly engage with your partner even before marriage so that you can learn more about yourself and how your behaviour and attitudes are getting influenced and transformed through this relationship. In your engagement with your partner, when you face challenges, its your attitude and behaviour that will come to your rescue. Most courting couples or even married people do not get this point. This is why I wrote my book \”What does She really want!\” This book is for every person who is deciding to get married or is already married and wishes to improve his or her relationship.

My experience of staying married for 20 plus years has taught me a lot about emotions and how to cope with them without compromising my stand. Now, it is time I share these with those who don\’t know whom to ask.

Engagement that never happened!

For  most couples, engagement by way of family time never happened. For them, the relationships exist as a matter of fact. They don\’t even know how two people bond. This is because, their parents never demonstrated it, neither did anyone tell them about bonding. This is the reason why most individuals are trying to forge relationships outside of house with strangers rather than strengthen bonding at home with their spouse and children.

In Conclusion

It is important to bond with your spouse. However, no one will tell you how to unless, they themselves have had an experience of bonding with their family and realised the benefits of maintaining healthy family ties. The worst of all is free advise.

— Mahesh Krishnamurthy

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