A woman expects her man to help those in need. When a man is sensitive to his environment and helps the needy, knowingly or unknowingly, he just touched her heart. However, women can be very complicated at times. If the person he helped is a man, that\’s okay. If whom he helped is a woman, she is all ears to what is happening. She can get cautious and jealous. But a woman rarely assumes. Her intuition is very strong and she never misses. While helping others is good, you need to absorb a few realities of life – family time is important, friendships are forever but…, help ever – hurt never, love all – serve all and live at the edge of attachment – detachment.
When you help a person
It is important for you to know when to help a person and when to back off. People can get very dependant on you if you did not know when to back off. Furthermore, they grow their tentacles into your family and rob you of your family time.
One of the main reasons why your woman might not take a liking to your service to others is, when your help for others eats into her family time with you. Your family time must not be compromised for anything.
Family time is important
Sometimes, help is needed urgently. Your woman understands that! But, don\’t be out every Sunday and every other day to help people. It\’s good to help people on scheduled days. I personally know several people who conduct free medical camps on Sundays. That\’s a huge service they are doing to humanity. However, your wife is as important a person and she needs your time too. Your wife might not need food packets or medicine supplies. However, she does need love and care and time to spend with you and interact with you. That is a priority you must count into your days when you are helping others. But, never try to understand her when you mess with the time you promised her.
No matter how much you time you spend outside serving others, and no matter how tired you get, make sure you have some moments for family time. Its like your main door. Before you open the door to step out, spend time with your woman. And when you return home from work, shut the door to the outside world so that you can spend time with your family. Such a habit is very healthy.
Friendships are forever
I have a few friends who can do anything for me and I will stretch to any extent to help them. It\’s not an understanding! It\’s given that in any situation that demands my presence, I\’ll be there. There are these times when our first priority will become a friend or when we are helping someone who is not even known to you. In such times, it is important to focus on your immediate environment rather than think of home. Service to the nation is as important as family time. It\’s paradoxical at times. Only a person who has a partner must decide which must take precedence over what.
Help ever – Hurt never
This is a famous quote given by Sathya Sai Baba for people to follow. And it must be applied first at home. Most of us are kind to people outside of home and release all our emotional garbage at home as if home was a garbage bin. If you really want to help the needy, do it. However, keep in mind that your home is where your heart is and you must protect, nurture and nourish your home as much as you are nurturing the helpless and the wounded.
Love all – Serve all
I know several families where the woman is not familiar with the Sai Baba devotees. She is okay with her husband rushing off to work on weekdays. However, even on weekends, she doesn\’t have him. He is rushing off to love all and serve all. Sathya Sai Baba never said leave home and love others! All of your action must begin at home.
It is easy to practice help ever-hurt never and love all – serve all outside. When you help the needy, those people will thank you immensely and your pride will intoxicate your head and you will feel invincible. At home, no matter how much you try to love and serve and help and not hurt, they don\’t give up the taunts and sarcasm. This is your real battle ground. Not the world outside. If you can master your emotions at home, you won.
Attachment – detachment
The world is like a tug of war. Your heart pulls on one side to love and to the help the needy, to serve, while the mind pulls you in an entirely different direction to indulge in attachments, pleasures and self importance.
Your heart know only to love. That is the best place to be. However, the mind interferes and manipulates the feelings and makes a mess out of the situation.
Beware of the mind
Whatever help you render to society, make sure you are not attached to the congregation of people with whom you go out to help. What are you helping for? Helping others is the best way to take your mind out of yourself and put it in your heart so that you can work for the society. At the same time, fill your mind and mouth with God\’s holy name so that you do not get to the arrogance of \”I did this\”. Practice – all work is God\’s work.
Also, do not be attached to the words people speak including that of your woman. Don\’t spend your time feeling hurt. She as well as others, have a right to their perception and judgment. It has nothing to do with you. You just need to have your head in the forest (in God) and hands ready to serve.
In Conclusion
Your woman will be happy when you understand when you help the needy and when you know to back off from all that and give time to the family. Family time is important. She is okay with your attitude of help ever-hurt never, but she will try to poke a needle at you at times just to see if you react. Watch it. If you do, she will be quick to point out saying; is this the same way you behave with others? And you will be tongue tied.
She also knows you that you want to love all and serve all. But, make sure you don\’t embrace everyone and keep them in your mind. Allow God to work through you. That way you too will be filled with God\’s love. When God\’s love fills your heart, love is what will flow through you, even at home.
And finally, the only attachment you need is to your Inner God. That\’s the only connection which must never get strained.
— Mahesh Krishnamurthy
