Freedom is the way

Attachment
Photo Courtesy: Felix Russell Saw

Today a lady brought her mother to consult with me. After the diagnosis using my technique of Nadi Pariksha, I knew that she was losing sleep, was emotionally unsettled and disturbed.

My questions to her about her relationships got her teary and she began narrating her story.

This mother of 3 was born to a not so very rich parents. Though her parents were poor, they never let their children experience the lack of resources. She was well cared for, raised well with values and married off into a good family.

Her in-laws were good natured people, and her husband was also a gem of a person. She herself had three children, a boy first and then 2 girls. And the family was emotionally very closely knit and stood united. Everything was fine. Her life  was a fairly tale.

Her parents had passed on a a decade after her marriage.

One day, all of a sudden, her husband’s upper lip went aside and he couldn’t hold himself steadily. He had never had any such symptoms. A visit to the doctored that got them doing several scans and tests. The doctors revealed to the couple that her husband had been ailing with a stage 4 brain cancer. It was in the advanced stage. But, this man had no symptoms until this one episode.

Chemotherapy and radiation therapy followed which brought in all the suffering and after a 6 months struggle with the side effects of the so called treatment, he died.

The wife was broken. Her attachment to her husband had devastated her. She was so used to having her husband as her support that without him life seemed impossible. She cried as she narrated her story.

Aren’t we also attached to someone in our lives? And that someone is whom we always look forward to, be it a spouse, partner, parent, friend or a relative.

But, what will happen to us if that person we look forward to is not around for us to seek our solace? Our comfort?

In this lady’s case, she had her parents to seek solace from. When they passed on, her husband was there. when her husband passed on, she began seeking solace in her son. At all times, she needed someone to seek emotional support from. She was emotionally vulnerable at all times.

The more we attach outside of ourselves, the more anger, sorrow and grief we will experience because of the fear of separation.

There is a man in every woman and woman in every man. When we don’t connect to this inner opposite, we will want to connect to that opposite outside of us either in a parent, a spouse, a relative or even in our children. This is one of the reasons why daughters are emotionally closer to their father than to their mother and the reverse is also true.

This is also the reason why women try to find their fathers in their husbands and mothers continue to control their sons even after they have greyed. The pair of opposites must be in balance within, without which, we will look outside of ourselves to be attached to others and suffer.

There are several practices that help build this relationship with the opposite within ourself and bring in a balance so that we don’t get overtly attached .

This lady is on her path of connecting to her opposite within.

You too can learn these techniques and practice so that you can free yourself from excessive anger, sorrow, grief and fear of losing your loved one which have their root cause in having too much attachment and very less self awareness.

Your way to freedom and happiness is waiting for you.

-Mahesh Krishnamurthy

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